Models supporting effective communication

I extracted this text from communication skills are hard skills in order to let the point I’m trying to make stand out more clearly. I realized I’ve been using (at least) two ways towards communicating more effectively – ‘simple’ techniques (examples in the previous posts) and models.

Models indirectly modify my communication, because they help me make better sense of the world around me, so I can be more aware, fully present and (re)act more effectively. For me the most powerful in the past three years have been Systems Thinking and the Satir tools.

Recently Nynke Fokma, Marc Evers and I co-created a tutorial around three Satir tools (congruent action, the interaction model and the Satir change model ): Congruence in action

self, other and context forming equal slices of a circle

I find the idea of congruence especially powerful – actively balancing self, other and context.

It helps me to be hard, as in tough when it is right to do so. It is also hard, as in difficult, to master. With the people from agile systems we play blame games, making fun of our own incongruence, or be incongruent in another style dan the persons ‘default incongruence style’ – aka coping stance.

If you want to know more about coping stances, I recommend the book Congruent Action by Gerald Weinberg, or a trip to Agile Open, where we hope to run a trial version of the tutorial.

Playing the blame game probably only works with a small group of people you trust. As time goes by, practicing and playing games make it easier for me to recognize my own and others’ coping stances, and adjust my reactions to that.

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